It isn’t difficult to have a poop in the woods when you’re out camping miles from anywhere. You just want to find a spot where you can have a few minutes of privacy. After all, it’s kind of awkward to have your pants round your ankles and have somebody catch you by surprise…
You only need a few things to make your toilet expedition a successful one, and they all involve sanitation.
The first and most important of these is toilet paper!
The second most important item is a toilet trowel or small spade so you can dig a hole to squat over. This orange colored plastic poop trowel is light weight and only costs a few dollars. It is available from most camping stores, but if you cannot find a plastic trowel then get an ordinary metal garden trowel instead from a hardware store or a gardening supplies place, or buy a small spade or entrenching tool.
Toilet paper and a trowel help you to poop in the woods without any dramas.
The hole you are going to poop into doesn’t have to be a big one. Not really… Something about 6 inches deep (15 cm) and as wide as a bowl of cereal will do fine.
We’d call it taking a poo, here in Aussie land. I know British soldiers used to refer to it as going for a shovel recce.
(It makes more sense once you realize a recce is an abbreviation for the French word, reconnoitre, as in to spy out the lay of the land.)
When the soldiers walk out of their tent carrying a shovel and a roll of toilet paper, everyone knows what they’re planning. It’s not difficult.
So when you’ve gotta go, just stack the earth you’ve dug up to one side, squat and do your business, wipe yourself and make sure the soiled paper is placed in the hole, then cover it up with the soil again so nothing shows except the disturbed dirt.
If you’re sure nobody is going to appear suddenly and see you, you can take off your pants completely and place them a few feet away — like hang them on a bush maybe. That’s what I do, because it takes away the worry that I might accidentally wet or foul my trousers.
Once you’ve finished and covered the mess with soil, you can then tread very lightly on the mound to compress it slightly. Don’t press heavily, or your feces is very likely to be squished out of the hole again, which defeats the whole purpose, doesn’t it! And if that happens, you will probably get some on your shoe. Yuk!
Now, don’t forget to put your pants back on again before you walk back to camp once you have had your poop in the woods.
The third important sanitation item to have available is to have some means of washing your hands. If you can use soap and water, then please do wash your hands. Otherwise a moist towelette — such as the ones given free when you buy take-away fried chicken will do fine. Just carry the foil sachet and the used towel out with you for proper disposal. The plastic or aluminum paper sachet is not organic and it won’t break down to compost like your poop will.
Please do not litter our countryside. There are more than enough jerks doing that already, and you don’t have to be one of them. So, now you can safely go and poop in the woods when you need to.